How to Handle Conflict
by Rick Warren
My dear brothers and sisters, be quick to listen, slow to speak, and
slow to get angry. James 1:19 (NLT)
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I'll tell you how to deal with conflict quickly, but you're not
going to like it. The solution to conflict resolution is one word:
If you're going to resolve conflict, you must confront. But, you
don't have to confront in anger. In fact, you should try not to
confront in anger. Lovingly go to the person and, then speaking the
truth in love, deal with the problem immediately.
Very few of us enjoy confrontation. The only people who really do
are troublemakers who seem to delight in confrontation. They love to
go to people and say, "You're blowing it!"¯ That's their
Because it's risky and uncomfortable, most people don't like
confrontation, but it's the only way to resolve conflict.
What's the best way to confront? James 1:19 teaches three rules
for confrontation. Everyone should be:
· Quick to listen,
· Slow to speak, and
· Slow to become angry.
If you're quick to listen and if you're slow to speak, you'll
automatically be slow to anger.
What are you listening for? You are listening for the hurt in that
person. Hurting people always hurt other people. When someone is
being a jerk, more than likely it's because that person is
hurting. When you understand their hurt a bit, you have a better
understanding of why they do what they do, and you're a little
more patient with them.
Understanding always brings patience. When we don't understand
things, we're impatient. When we understand them, we're much